Is being scared ok for first time house parents?
TheUlmers Jun 1 2006, 01:06 PM Post #1
My hubby and I are looking into the possiblity of house parenting. We went to
visit a home last Saturday and we definately felt that this is what we want to
do, but as I dwell on it a bit more, I am a lil scared and nervous about it. I
am sure that these are normal feelings before making a huge life change like
this, but would just like to vent, if thats ok. I absolutely love children, I
have a 7 yr old brother by my dad and step mom and a 18 yr old brother by my
dad and biological mom, who I practically raised due our biological mom being
an alcoholic so my "motherly instinct" is by nature. Hubby and I babysit at
least 2 times a month for other couples as well as spending plenty of time w/my
7 yr old brother. We definately have a passion for children. My major in
college(didn't finish) was elm. ed. I have always wanted to do something
w/children. I have just been praying this past week for the courage and
confidence to come back. I am very excited about this opportunity that my hubby
and I could have and I know that we would make such a dramatic impact in a
childs live. However, there is some nervousness and a little uneasiness(if
thats a word). I think the huge thing that I started me to be scared was that
the house that we looked at, we would really not have any down time while the
kids are at school. We would be required to do office work and meetings. That
kinda scared me b/c I started to think about our marriage. Our only time alone
together would be the 2 days we had off and at night when we kids were asleep.
That is hard. Is that the norm in most homes or is the time when kids are in
school your "down time" for you and your spouse? Would love some imput on a
typical day for you. Thank you!!
sandylegsntoes Jun 1 2006, 04:37 PM Post #2
In re to 'is being scared ok for first time house parents' it's ok to be
scared if that's your feeling!
You write your own 'shoulds' and 'should nots.' IMO it's natural to feel
apprehension embarking on a new career.
IMO if you are newly weds and desire to spend the first year or two or three
glued to each others hips completely oblivious to the outside world like it's
the honeymoon night then houseparenting may not be for you at this point.
My hubby and I are together 24/7! We are very diligent about paperwork, files
and reports. If the house is run efficiently with organization then there will
be plenty of free time. It may turn out that both of you will seek some of your
own interests that are separate. Marriage people are one flesh but firstly they
are individuals.
Truly houseparenting requires self-sacrifice so be prepared to sacrifice--which
is an honor.
putkidsfirst Jun 1 2006, 10:13 PM Post #3
Being nervously scared is normal. However, I find it VERY odd that a place
would not give you time off when the kids are in school. From my experience
most places give you that.
TheUlmers Jun 2 2006, 08:02 AM Post #4
I think I came across a lil too clingy... I love my husband and would love to
work with him, it's just that the organization we looked at had to do some
layoffs b/c of budget, they are requiring house parents to do office work since
they had to lay off some of the office workers, which would not allow much down
time. That is what kinda scared me. This organizatoin was great, but the fact
that we wouldn't have time for ourselves, worried me a bit. It is a concern for
us. We enjoy our quaility time greatly and if we had none basically... it would
hard for us. I know that the Lord will direct us to the right home, but with
all the options, it's kinda overwhelming. We are looking at one in Illinois,
Indiana, Florida, Pennsylvania... a couple others. We currently live in TN. We
aren't scared of moving to another state, that is exciting for us. We just want
to make sure that we have enough quaility time so we can keep a healthy
marriage. Was that a concern for other house parents??
putkidsfirst Jun 2 2006, 08:10 AM Post #5
My wife and I married at 19 and had 4 years before getting inot house
parenting. I can't imagine house parenting without at least ONE year of bonding
time. Unless you and your husband are in TOTAL agreement that giving your lives
away to kids is more important than anything it may be tough.
There are countless HP's who don't feel that strongly yet have been doing the
job for decades! So it is possible to do it. There are a few couples I know of
who worked at HP's and a few years later quit the job and divorced! It can be
that stressful.
It all comes down to how much you and your husband agree, and or have the same
mind set. If you both want this, and passionately want to do it more than you
want anything else, then go for it! But if either of you are slightly hesitant
with having a job that CONSUMES you, then I would hold off.
You excitement makes me happy! I love reading your posts here because you seem
so willing and anxious, something we need so badly in this field, something the
kids need so badly! But your marriage is vital, make sure you both agree that
doing this is of utmost importance. Make sure neither of you will become jelous
of the job because so much of your time will be given to it. If either one of
you doesn't feel as passionate as the other (and if it's just a slight
difference) be very careful!
webmaster Jun 2 2006, 01:36 PM Post #6
I am probably going to be in trouble with what ever facility this applies to
but I would consider a facility that is experiencing budget cuts and layoffs to
the point of requiring houseparents to do administrative/support work as a red
flag.
It is possible that they could recover from that but it would take complete
commitment and sacrifice from all the remaining staff. Working in a short
staffed facility is extremely difficult and trying to be houseparents and
office workers at the same time would be extremely difficult. A houseparent's
day usually begins before 6 AM and doesn't end until after 10 PM; those hours
when the children are in school are usually very needed by the houseparents as
recovery time.
A facility that asks for one or two days a week for training or additional
duties is fairly normal but if they want you to work all day everyday doing
additional duties plus your normal houseparent duties you are probably going to
burn out rather quickly and will be looking for something different very soon.
I have seen it happen many times.
putkidsfirst Jun 2 2006, 01:47 PM Post #7
LOL!
Here's a post where the webmaster was bolder than I! I sort of hinted that this
may be a bad thing, he flat out said it was. How about that.
TheUlmers Jun 3 2006, 09:01 AM Post #8
We thought the same thing. Its an aweful feeling though b/c I know that they
really did like us. I know the Lord has the right home for us in the right time
so we are just going to continue to pray for His provision and guidence in the
situation. Any help is greatly appreciated!!
gracecountry62 Jun 4 2006, 08:11 PM Post #9
I have to agree with the other 2 guys I see a great big red flag myself please
be careful but check here on Mikes website there are alot of great homes
needing House parents take ur time and take heed to what these guys have to say
we all been in this lifestyle as house parents for a long time .God speed to
both of you.
I also think that the administration could take a few cuts themselves by for
example taking on other resposibilities they need to allow the House parents
concentrate on first hand duties and that is the kids come first thats just my
opinion
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