Forum Archive Homepage | Previous Post | Next Post

Another quote, Your thoughts on this one??

putkidsfirst Mar 7 2006, 05:18 PM Post #1

"When giving a consequence, use the most lenient one that works."

raider72 Mar 7 2006, 07:34 PM Post #2

QUOTE(putkidsfirst @ Mar 7 2006, 06:18 PM)

"When giving a consequence, use the most lenient one that works."


Very true, graduating consequences is the smart way to go. You can always get tougher if need be. Also starting with the least restrictive consequence allows you to communicate to the child/teen what will happen if they make the choice again and also talk with them about the positive consequences when making the right choice.

putkidsfirst Mar 8 2006, 12:00 AM Post #3

Yep, I agree!

webmaster Mar 8 2006, 06:47 AM Post #4

QUOTE(putkidsfirst @ Mar 7 2006, 05:18 PM)

"When giving a consequence, use the most lenient one that works."



Actually I am in favor of the death penalty for traffic violations!!!

Really, I hope you were not looking for much debate on this one, because it is houseparenting common sense.

Where the debate comes in is what is the most lenient consequence for a situation, and that will vary as much as parents/houseparents differ. And honestly, without entering the extremes or being abusive, that's OK.

putkidsfirst Mar 8 2006, 09:32 AM Post #5

Debate or not, I know there are plent of HP's out there who believe you give very extreme and strict consequences right away. They tend to believe that the harder you punish someone the less likely they will be to repeat the behavior. If no one who posts here feels that way then color me thrilled!

raider72 Mar 8 2006, 07:17 PM Post #6

QUOTE(putkidsfirst @ Mar 8 2006, 10:32 AM)

Debate or not, I know there are plent of HP's out there who believe you give very extreme and strict consequences right away. They tend to believe that the harder you punish someone the less likely they will be to repeat the behavior. If no one who posts here feels that way then color me thrilled!


First, the most leniant for one child could be very different for another but I do think we should look for the less resrictive and work our way through. That being said the real issue to me is effective limit setting and letting a child know there are negative consequences to negative behavior and positive consequences to positive behavior from the get go. We simply say in our house "you do good things you get good things, you do bad things you get bad things". A child must learn the law of reaping and sowing and to take responsiblity for their behavior but that does not mean we sacrifice relationship or earn love. We have to seperate the two because most of these youngsters have had it the opposite their entire lives. A child first entering the home after the honymoon period will test these boundaries for sure. The harshness of the consequence is less important, more important is the manner in which it is delivered. We all know the terms "consistant", "empathy", etc. but the majority of the time child care workers struggle not because of the harshness or lack of harshness of a consequence but rather because of being inconsistant & emotionally hooked.

caring4kids Apr 24 2006, 07:06 AM Post #7

QUOTE(putkidsfirst @ Mar 7 2006, 07:18 PM)

"When giving a consequence, use the most lenient one that works."


We foster teenage girls. We don't ground any of our girls (birth children included)! Each girl has privileges (depending on age & the "trust" issue) that they may EARN. We use a point system. The girls earn points for the next week. If they don't earn points for something, they can earn "extra points" by doing extra chores or volunteering in the community. This has worked very well for us. You would be surprised how some girls will do everything expected of them & more to get at a higher level. By getting more points than expected of them, they can earn tokens. When they reach 10 tokens, they earn a $10 Walmart gift card.

--Vonda

putkidsfirst Apr 24 2006, 08:40 AM Post #8

Vonda;

Do you see what you're doing here? I am sure you do but I want to help point it out. You concentrate on the POSITIVE rather than the NEGATIVE. Of course it works well. Nice job!

caring4kids Apr 24 2006, 09:15 AM Post #9

QUOTE(putkidsfirst @ Apr 24 2006, 10:40 AM)

Vonda;

Do you see what you're doing here? I am sure you do but I want to help point it out. You concentrate on the POSITIVE rather than the NEGATIVE. Of course it works well. Nice job!


EXACTLY! I try to tell other foster parents this way of positive parenting. (Especially the ones that complain non-stop!) It's like looking at the cup half full or half empty.
 

Forum Archive Homepage | Previous Post | Next Post