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Houseparenting and large families
jayandangie Feb 26 2005, 01:15 PM Post #1
In the Old Forum there was a question about houseparenting and large familes.
Recenlty I have found locations that will allow houseparents to have four,
sometimes even five total family members.
jayandangie Feb 27 2005, 11:37 PM Post #2
...and there are facilities on the other extreme that do not allow any kids.
sparrow Feb 28 2005, 07:26 AM Post #3
No kids at all, marks the contradictory nature of houseparents. You want a
stable married couple, completely devoted to chidren and yet with no children
of their own.
webmaster Feb 28 2005, 09:10 AM Post #4
I have two children that have basically grown up in childcare (my daughter was
two when we became fosterparents and three when we became houseparents, my son
was 7 & 8)
I can honestly say that in a therapeutic houseparent setting it is sometimes
very difficult to have your own children. They are exposed to things you really
don't want them to see, although I believe it is easier when they become older.
We started in a Behavioral Prgram and I know my children saw things I didn't
want them to.
However in a basic care setting I believe it can be a very good thing most of
the time. They tend to be a reflection of you, and many times model the
behavior you are trying to help the other children learn. Also they allow you
to model appropriate family affection to the children in your care. We have
worked the last 6.5 years in basic care, and our children have many times had a
calming effect on the cottage just by the behavior that they modeled.
sparrow Feb 28 2005, 04:06 PM Post #5
QUOTE (ALeavelle @ Feb 28 2005, 08:21 AM)
QUOTE
You want a stable married couple, completely devoted to chidren and yet with no
children of their own.
That describes me and my wife to a tee.
Well you are rare Christian birds indeed
sparrow Feb 28 2005, 04:10 PM Post #6
QUOTE (webmaster @ Feb 28 2005, 09:10 AM)
I can honestly say that in a therapeutic houseparent setting it is sometimes
very difficult to have your own children. They are exposed to things you really
don't want them to see, although I believe it is easier when they become older.
We started in a Behavioral Prgram and I know my children saw things I didn't
want them to.
However in a basic care setting I believe it can be a very good thing most of
the time. They tend to be a reflection of you, and many times model the
behavior you are trying to help the other children learn. Also they allow you
to model appropriate family affection to the children in your care. We have
worked the last 6.5 years in basic care, and our children have many times had a
calming effect on the cottage just by the behavior that they modeled.
1.- How did you cope with your children being exposed to bad things?
2.- Did your kids benefit for being 'houseparent kids', if so how?
Homework due for tomorrow
webmaster Feb 28 2005, 09:56 PM Post #7
QUOTE
How did you cope with your children being exposed to bad things?
The worst thing my children have had to experience was a returning run away
girl that ended up coming down off a 4 day meth binge. She became violent and
trashed her room. She punched a mirror that was on her wall breaking it into
several pieces while at the same time cutting her hand and getting a good
amount of blood everywhere. Her climax was when she picked up a chunk of mirror
and started walking around the house describing to my wife how she was going to
slice our children's throats. Shortly after that the director and counselor
arrived and removed her from the house for two days so that she could come down
in a more private setting. One week later she ran away again and ended up in
the State reform school.
We almost stopped being houseparents THAT NIGHT. Instead, we calmed down, sat
our children down and explained to them how meth changes your personality and
causes you to do things you normally wouldn't. We also explained that we would
never have allowed her to hurt them, and that we were going to start looking
for a different situation. Two months later we moved to a basic care home in
Texas and have been doing basic care ever since.
In other less severe situations, we would always sit down with our children and
debrief (I was nine years military) the situation and explain to them how the
behavior was inappropriate and why people should not copy it. We were always
open and honest with our children, and although this may have taken away from
their innocence, I think they understood what was happening around them.
QUOTE
Did your kids benefit for being 'houseparent kids', if so how?
Yes, I believe they have a better understanding of our modern culture. I also
believe it has made them more compassionate. They have lived with hurting
children most of their life. They have seen how abuse and neglect affects the
innocent victims: the children. They view the kids we have cared for as
brothers and sisters. My son (now 14 and in high school) just finished a school
project that required a family photo. The photo he chose to use was not one of
his birth family but of his entire cottage family. He could have chosen to use
a birth family photo, because we usually do one every year at Christmas for the
grandparents.
jayandangie Feb 28 2005, 09:59 PM Post #8
Those last experiences sound similar to what kids see at school. I am a
full-time teacher, and when I used to teach in public schools, my daughters saw
many things I wish that they never would have.
sparrow Mar 1 2005, 07:30 AM Post #9
QUOTE (webmaster @ Feb 28 2005, 09:56 PM)
QUOTE
How did you cope with your children being exposed to bad things?
The worst thing my children have had to experience was a returning run away
girl that ended up coming down off a 4 day meth binge. She became violent and
trashed her room. She punched a mirror that was on her wall breaking it into
several pieces while at the same time cutting her hand and getting a good
amount of blood everywhere. Her climax was when she picked up a chunk of mirror
and started walking around the house describing to my wife how she was going to
slice our children's throats. Shortly after that the director and counselor
arrived and removed her from the house for two days so that she could come down
in a more private setting. One week later she ran away again and ended up in
the State reform school.
We almost stopped being houseparents THAT NIGHT. Instead, we calmed down, sat
our children down and explained to them how meth changes your personality and
causes you to do things you normally wouldn't. We also explained that we would
never have allowed her to hurt them, and that we were going to start looking
for a different situation. Two months later we moved to a basic care home in
Texas and have been doing basic care ever since.
In other less severe situations, we would always sit down with our children and
debrief (I was nine years military) the situation and explain to them how the
behavior was inappropriate and why people should not copy it. We were always
open and honest with our children, and although this may have taken away from
their innocence, I think they understood what was happening around them.
QUOTE
Did your kids benefit for being 'houseparent kids', if so how?
Yes, I believe they have a better understanding of our modern culture. I also
believe it has made them more compassionate. They have lived with hurting
children most of their life. They have seen how abuse and neglect affects the
innocent victims: the children. They view the kids we have cared for as
brothers and sisters. My son (now 14 and in high school) just finished a school
project that required a family photo. The photo he chose to use was not one of
his birth family but of his entire cottage family. He could have chosen to use
a birth family photo, because we usually do one every year at Christmas for the
grandparents.
Might I quote you? I'm ending a version of an anthropology essay on hurting
children and I'd also like to quote you in my blog, if that's ok.
Feel free to say no I'll understand.
webmaster Mar 1 2005, 06:49 PM Post #10
Feel free to quote it. All I ask is that you cite the source and in the case of
your blog, provide a link back to my site.
sparrow Mar 2 2005, 03:47 AM Post #11
Thanks! Done already. I have not been able to find your name. Anyway, just have
a look, if you find something wanting, tell me.
Thanks again.
In Christ
Miguel de Luis
Jazzy Jul 25 2005, 12:34 PM Post #12
My husband and I work at a Christian boys ranch and we have 5 children
whom we have adopted. We were welcomed with open arms and open minds
here.
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