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No more corporal punishment
prsthelrd Mar 22 2005, 09:19 AM Post #1
We have recently went from using spanking as a form a discipline for our
younger children to not being able to use it at all. It is too long to go
completely into detail. My question is though, we have several children that
have lived with the previous policy since and recieved swats as a "final"
straw. They knew when thay were spanked that was it. We now are no longer
spanking and the girls behaviors are getting to were they act like oh well a
time out is no big deal. Does anyone have suggeations of consequences that are
at the level of a spanking that you know ok I did it. I was out of line. I am
tired of hitting me head on the wall
prsthelrd Mar 22 2005, 07:22 PM Post #2
that does work at times but We have one girl that was grounded over a week and
would not quit doing the things. She was 7 at the time I know if I could have
given her a couple of swats she would have straightned up
CaringCouple Mar 23 2005, 04:43 AM Post #3
I spanked my kids a time or two over the years. If I think my grandkids need a
swat I might deliver one.
I would have never thought I would experience some of the behaviors I have
witnessed in these last few years or the physical aggression shown from some of
these kids towards each other,
18 months ago we started here in a facility with a total "Hands Off Policy".
Laying a hand on a child here in any way could get you terminated rapidly. Even
pulling one kid off of another during a fight is grounds for dismissal.
My wife and I have been trained in 3 different styles of verbal and non verbal
crisis interventions and could certainly restrain or escort a child in an
approved manner but have never found the need to lay a hand on a child in our
care.
What may be a swat to you could be a reminder of an incredibly traumatic event
that child experienced at the hands of an abusive parent.
That hug you give a kid that you care about could trigger memories of sexual
abuse she suffered before coming to you.
We've learned this and so much more that I could have never believed 3 years
ago.
You know your relationship with your own birth child and corporal punishment
you deal to your own can have an effect that is understandable and
controllable.
But to lay your hands on a child not yours that is in your care is such a cruel
and uncaring thing to do in my opinion. I know you mean no ill will but none of
us can possibly know the effects that "swat" really has.
prsthelrd Mar 23 2005, 06:45 AM Post #4
I respect your opinion and all, however this is a Long term facility and we are
dealing with young children that have lived here since they were as young as 6
months old. we have raised these kids for the lasst 4 years. they came as part
of sibling groups. We have older children that have not been "touched" since
they have been here. I know all about issues following kids in care this is not
my first rodeo. I am simply saying these younger children have been taught a
certain way and now things are different and they don't get it. I am not trying
nor wanting to change a policy back I need new advice.
CaringCouple Mar 23 2005, 10:13 PM Post #5
You have to find and gain controll over the things that matter to them.
Whether it is their telephone, television, personal stereo, free time or
privaye time.... you need to identify something that matters and take control
of it from them.
You attech the behavior to the privelege and create tangible goals for them to
attain to get the privelege.
If you can not identify a privelege that matters you need to create a desire in
them for something they have not had before.
Sometimes through additional interaction with other kids in the house while
excluding the offending child.
Sometimes the answer lies not in you or the child but in their peers.
youthdevelopment Mar 24 2005, 08:03 AM Post #6
Children respond better to encouragement of their strengths than corporal
punishment or withholding posessions or priviliges.
youthdevelopment Mar 24 2005, 08:04 AM Post #7
We are not training seals, we are charged with the profound responsibility of
developing human beings.
prsthelrd Mar 24 2005, 09:45 AM Post #8
thats fine so give some examples don't just be a critic
webmaster Mar 24 2005, 10:43 PM Post #9
Discipline is best learned when it models reality.
At your job, if you work hard, learn new skills, treat people with respect, and
do what the boss tells you to, you get pay raises and promotions. If you do bad
work, don't show up, are impossible to get along with you get fired and have no
money.
If you manage your money you get to have things like a house, a car, and other
nice things. If you don't the repo man comes.
If you behave in society, obey the laws and respect others, in America you get
to be free and decide where you live, when to come and go, you get to vote, and
do other things. If you don't, you get to live in a small cell or have the
privilege of wearing a very attractive plastic ankle bracelet that chafes.
When dealing with behaviors there has to be a combination of positive
consequences for positive choices and actions, and negative consequences for
negative choices and actions. Always look for the positive and when you see it,
make sure the youth knows you see it. Give them encouragement, compliments, or
a special reward.
Do not ignore negative behavior. For every choice there is a consequence either
good or bad. For bad choices there needs to be bad consequences. Restriction,
loss of privileges, group exclusion, loss of possessions, etc.
Exception: Opportunities to teach grace and compassion should be used. If a
person never receives grace they are unable to give grace because they don't
know what grace is.
There are several tools available for teaching discipline. Behavioral charts,
although a lot of work, work very well in many cases. The fear of losing
something is usually greater than the fear of not receiving something. Taking
things away for negative behavior works well until there becomes nothing more
to take. If the child has nothing less to take, obviously that is not effective
and something else needs to be tried, and the kid needs some of his/her stuff
back. The need to belong is a very strong need so group exclusion can be
effective, however detached children will probably not respond well to it.
Non-physical consequences are very labor intensive regardless of what method
you use, so be prepared to put in some hours. However, they are usually more
effective in the end. Why is it, that older kids prefer spankings at school?
Because it is quick and the pain only lasts a few minutes. An hour of detention
or a day in ISD (or in our case Restriction or time out) hurts them in their
social life. Though it may cost you an hour or day also to insure they follow
through on their consequence.
george Mar 24 2005, 10:55 PM Post #10
QUOTE (youthdevelopment @ Mar 24 2005, 08:03 AM)
Children respond better to encouragement of their strengths than corporal
punishment or withholding posessions or priviliges.
We are not training seals, we are charged with the profound responsibility of
developing human beings.
Giving false praise or focusing only on the strengths teaches a false reality
and encourages entitlement and self centeredness.
In the real world, outside of academia, you only receive praise for your
accomplishments, and there are definite consequences for negative behavior,
either natural or imposed by society.
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