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Child Care Frustrations
webmaster|Child Care Frustrations|216.131.5.78|yes|yes|996982298|
This was E-mail to me by a Houseparent needing encouragement. --- My husband
and I have been hp's for 31/2 years and really enjoyed this site. We actually
found it after returning from a vacation with two of our "boys" that didn't get
to go home on the family visit time for the facility. We were lucky that we
were hired when it wasn't a bad thing to have your own kids. We have two kids
under the age of 6. We are staring to feel very isolated because all the other
hp's are our parents age. Are there any hp's out there that do this unreal job
and raise their own children? It's not impossible to do this with young
children but it does take sacrifice from the whole family. Sometimes you wonder
if it's worth it. We don't get the encouragement that is so vital to being even
a borderline competant hp. We get the " you're not much older than the kids...
" or " You haven't even raised your own kids yet...". As anyone that has been a
hp for more than 6mths knows it doesn't matter how many of your own kids you
have raised it;s not like!
raising a child in placement. We would like to hear from others in our
situation and how they feel/cope with this job we call life.
Max|Child Care
Frustrations|208.7.253.91||yes|997212264|
The work we do as houseparents is hard. There is no doubt about that fact.
Where we work there are lots of houseparents with small children. All of them
have the chillenges that you describe. Many feel extreme guilt thinking back on
raising their children under such circumstances. When their own children have
problems, they blame the job conditions, yet there is NO WAY to be sure that is
why a child ran up aginst problems. Your own children will require lots of
explanations over the years ("Why do we have to share our parents?"). Only you
can decide if it is good for your family to be in this type of situation. It is
especially hard if the organization you work with has no provisions for the
types of sudden problems you described. Always remember that you can't give up
yourself in an effort to save someone else, especailly when you have committed
yourself to the lives of so many others (meaning lots of people NEED you, but
you need you too).
Adam|Child Care Frustrations|172.134.147.207|yes|yes|1002854543|
Well...I am 31 and my wife and I started this work at 23! Thing is we have no
kids of our own but I can relate to this issue in a way.
Older house parents can be a PAIN! I have learned my leson from them! For years
we were treated by many like we were their children and oh it was frustrating!
No, I do not believe raising placement children ismuch like raising your own!
Mainly because I would be free to do so much more with my own if I ever have
any!
To compare raising your own kids to kids in placement is not a good comparison!
Grace Country|Child Care
Frustrations|209.240.222.130|yes|yes|1020017200|
We have 4 kids of our own and we have alway's had balance working as house
parents we see the kids in placement as if they were our own they are as much
of our family as our own kids we have treated them as well as ours as equal to
one another.
It has been very rewarding for our kids. Our oldest Daughter has come to
appreciate us as Her parents and to appreciate what She has and know how to be
content.
This is the toughest job you will ever love, never a dull moment.
Link|Child Care Frustrations|12.92.214.136|||1024024406|
My wife and I are thinking about becoming house parents. Two homes have
openings. One is a girls home, and the other is a boy's home. Both have 5
children apiece aged 10 to 17. The children are in danger of going to reform
school or a mental hospital.
My wife is 9 months pregnant with our first baby. We are considering the boy's
home, mainly because my wife is a non-native speaker, and with nursing the
baby, it would make more sense for me to be the one interacting more with the
kids, which may be the case with boys.
Does this sound like a suitable job for a family with a new baby? I know there
are challenges to having a new baby, staying up at night, etc. But this kind of
work will allow a lot more time with my family as well, which is a definite
plus.
Have any of you had trouble protecting yoru kids in case a child in the home
turned out to be a sexual deviant? What about kids coming in and going out of
the home?
Another concern of mine is that we are Christians. Thsi home is run by a
private foudnation. It is named 'Agape.' The university affiliated man who is
finding applicants says it is not a religious home. We only want to do this
work if we can share the Gospel with the kids. We will get training in a type
of counseling, but only the Gospel can change the heart of these kids-- not
counseling. Do state-funded homes like this ever forbid you to share the Gospel
with the kids and take them to night church meetings? Does anyone have any
experiences they want to share?
Max|Child Care
Frustrations|65.170.38.10|yes|yes|1033847131|
I don't think that having a new baby and an expectation that of one of you will
be doing most of the houseparenting is realistic. There really is a need for
TWO of you or the jobs would be filled by singles.
Yes, there are situations where houseparent's own children are molested, beaten
or mentally abused by the home's children. The opposite is also true but less
likely to be reported about. It also happens that consentual relationships
develop between houseparent's own kids & home kids. You have to be sturdy
enough not to assume your child is always right and the home's child is wrong.
Most non-religious homes have policies aginst the type of preaching you are
planning. Being a needy child doesn't mean that someone else's religion is
needed, unless by choice. Many kids will already have a religion and it isn't
an automatic right for a person to try to convert a child who is forced into
care. The role of a houseparent is discipline, support & love, not conversion.
If you died would you want someone trying to change the religion of your child?
Just my opinions, but I really don't think this is the type of position for
you, your wife and new child.
Aparent|Child Care Frustrations|66.140.12.19|yes|yes|1046882948|
As a woman and a houseparent there is no way that i would want to start my
family in these circumstances. This is a job that requires long hard hours and
little time for yourself. A new baby requires alot of attention and time. Think
carefully about this before you decide.
Susan|Child Care Frustrations|152.163.189.173|yes|yes|1047661035|
I don't agree with everyone completely. Yes, taking care of someone else's kids
is a hard job, but my husband and I had 2 little boys when we first started as
houseparents, and although they didn't always understand, we tried to spend as
much time with them as we could, and this job allows a lot of time off.
Not only that, but we gave birth to two little girls (1yr. apart) while we were
working here. So now we have 4 kids of our own, and we are a little crowded,
timewise as well as spacewise, but it really makes it easier in some ways, as
long as you treat the other kids in basically the same way that you treat your
own. They know that you are not treating them the same way, but if you try to
treat them the same, it shows.
Prayer changes things. Use it often.
Katryn|Child Care
Frustrations|65.170.38.10|yes|yes|1064778532|
Well, I have two little ones, 5 and 8, and it is difficult raising them and
being a houseparent.
We have 9th - 12th grade girls (12 total)
while it takes great orginizational skills to juggle houseparenting and raising
a family, we are finding it to be quite enjoyable.
I do not know what it would be like if we started before we had children,
personally, I do not think houseparents that start when they have no children
have as much experience to fall back on when they first begin. But, their
children will also grow up not knowing any different.
little story:
there was a time last year when we where having a lot of problems with the
girls in the house. One night at dinner my eldest daughter told me how after
finishing eating she was going back to our apartment with her sister. She would
turn x-box on for her sister to play while she did her homework. She would then
put in a 2 player game when she finished her homework. She would even run a tub
for them, cause she knows how to do that now...and make sure they got to bed on
time (she was in 2nd grade, her sister was 4) That way both mommy and daddy
could stay out in the student home to work with the bad girls.
granted, their are rough times, and their are great times. We love our job, and
I would not turn anyone away from it because they have children, or are
thinking about having children. Just be realistic as to what the job entails
with both your time...and your physical and emotional being.
DistressedPair|Child Care Frustrations|68.121.18.127|yes|yes|1064907755|
We raised 3 daughters and have worked in group homes populated by both boys and
girls and can state without a doubt that it did little to prepare us for caring
for children in placement.
The problems they come to us with do not mirror any problems we ever dealt with
as parents. Training and support are helping but it does take a lot of our
time. There are days my wife and I do not interact with each other until the
end of the night with everyone in bed. I can't imagine anyone with children
dealing with the boys we have.
It probably depends on the type of kids placed. IF your dealing with kids that
are coming to you simply abandoned or neglected then perhaps you can deal with
your own and still have enough love and time for the others.
IF your dealing with children diagnosed with 2-3 different ailments and on
meds, probation etc.... then your going to have your hands full.
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